The Pep Talk Worked!!!

So I didn't get up quite as early as I wanted to, but I did get up and go straight to the gym after feeding the fur kids, giving Max his water and his A.M. insulin, and eating some breakfast and taking my A.M. meds as well.

I almost rolled over and stayed in bed, but I knew that I would feel terrible about not going after talking myself up about being able to go. I was thinking so positive before I went to bed, that I just HAD to go!

I began in the hot tub because my right elbow was double its size this morning, hot, and in a lot of pain. I knew that if I just jumped right into swimming, I would just hurt it more. I sat near one of the jets and let the hot water hit my sore elbow. Wow! It hurt like hell! I thought that I might as well kick my legs and get some exercise while I was in the hot tub. I did this for about 25 minutes.

Then I went swimming!!! I swam 10 laps, which is about 1/2 of what I usually do, but my elbow started to throb, and I knew it was time to quit.

Ya know when I swim laps, I basically make up my own strokes because my range of motion is so limited. I take my glasses off and set them on the side of the pool, and basically go back and forth doing a frog-like swim and then keeping the same arm motion as the frog swim, I continue going back with a kicking motion. This changes things up a bit. I can feel it in my muscles, so I know the movements work as exercise. I choose not to go underwater, though. It is just a self-choice. I have goggles, but I can't see anything without my glasses anyway, so why make things even more difficult by putting my head under the water.

I love the peacefulness of being in the water. I know it's exercise, but I almost feel like I become a part of the water. It is such a wonderful feeling. Floating, almost gliding across the top of the water. I am a very delicate swimmer because I used to be a ballerina. It is very obvious in my swimming. I make no noise when I swim, and the water barely moves around me. I never splash any water up out of the pool or up into the air. I swim without a sound--silence...There is something so graceful about my swimming. It's almost like swim-dancing. I am overcome with serenity, peace, and a feeling of being held. It feels as though the water is holding me up. The water will not drop me. My range of motion is so much better in the water. I have so much more energy in the water. I feel like an athlete almost. It is like being taken to another space in time, like another dimension, where I can do all of this with no pain, without needing help, and feeling like I have a special talent or ability. I feel invincible!!

Today, it was very crowded at the pool. I didn't even notice, because I take my glasses off. I can't see anything without my glasses. I am not bothered by all the people in the water or stressed out by all the people waiting for a lane to open up for them to swim in. I just continue to swim in my alternate universe...

Then, I stretch my legs and my feet before I exit the pool. But slowly as I climb out of the water onto land, my true self emerges. I begin to lose my well-balanced body. The muscles and joints begin to stiffen and get sore. I start to transform from a healthy-feeling 35 year old into an aged, 80 year old woman. My limping body makes it's way toward my towel with its past surgery scars on its legs, hip, and shoulders. "Who is this person?" I ask myself...

Just as I'm drying myself off, a dark and handsome young man approaches me. He tells me that I am the most beautiful being that he has ever seen. Of course, inside I am laughing. Me, the most beautiful being? Obviously, HE needs glasses more than I do...I say thank you to be polite. He then proceeds to ask it I'm married. OMG! He is seriously hitting on me!!!

This is when I realized that the way I feel is not what other people necessarily see. Although I do have surgery scars--old scars which are not that visible anymore, although I see them still. I am still beautiful. Imagine that!!

What I learned about today is that if I continue to take care of myself, people will see that I love myself. They will begin to believe in that alternate universe that I believe in when I'm swimming. If I begin to believe enough that I am that person, even out of the water, people will see that beauty. They will feel that love for life, that peace and serenity that I feel when I'm swimming.

I will continue to swim and take care of myself. You can't imagine how good it makes me feel. Also, it's always nice to have a dark, handsome man try to pick you up at the gym when you are at your most vulnerable moment and in a swim suit besides!!!!