Dancing with My Disabilities!: Looking Toward The Positive!

Blog Title: Dancing with My Disabilities! This blog was I Already Gave My Right Arm to Be Ambidextrous prior to Read My HIPS, which is now Dancing with My Disabilities. I am doing some renovating and will begin blogging for the New Year 2024. Please be patient, and please continue to support this blog as well as my other blog Chronically Mommy, which is also being renovated to be more up to date. Pass this information on to anyone that you know may be interested in knowing...To be continued...

Dancing with My Disabilities!

Title: Dancing with My Disabilities! I had my shoulder and both hips replaced, and I am changing things up a bit on this blog! I began belly dancing in 2010! Yes, you read that correctly!! I am going to be blogging about my experience as a woman with several joint diseases and conditions who had her shoulder and both hips replaced who now belly dances, dances hip hop, performs, teaches dance to children of all ages and abilities, teaches belly dance fitness classes to adult women, teaches chair belly dance movement classes to people with mobility issues and disabilities, and takes a Pure Barre class as well! I still have pain, but I want to blog about how I have fun too! Please read Chronically Mommy (chronicallymommy.blogspot.com) for info on health/pain and being a mom to a 13-year-old son. I have avascular necrosis in my shoulders, hips, and knees, psoriatic arthritis, axial spondylitis, Sjogren's, fibromyalgia, hEDS, POTS, MCAS, vascular/ocular/hemiplegic migraines, pseudotumor cerebri, trigeminal neuralgia, occipital neuralgia, endometriosis, and chronic shingles. I found out that I have autoimmune arthritis in my cervical spine and a bulging disk in my lumbar spine. Fourteen years ago, my spine orthopedic surgeon told me I had a small amount of inflammatory arthritis in my SI joint. The question was if the spinal involvement was due to Psoriatic Spondylitis, which is a more severe form of Psoriatic Arthritis or is it a new diagnosis of Ankylosing Spondylitis? Now, they have an updated term, Axial Spondylitis, which fits my symptoms and diagnostic proof. Whatever the diagnosis, the treatment will remain the same. I had my left hip replaced in 2003; my right shoulder replaced in March of 2010. I gave my right arm to be ambidextrous! LOL! Lastly, I had my right hip replaced on May 10th, 2012, and I began belly dancing two years prior to my right hip replacement surgery. Yes that's correct! I began belly dancing in 2010, just after my shoulder replacement, before my son was born. I performed for the first time in 2012, five days prior to my right hip replacement surgery. Pain is still another part of my life. It is just a question of when, where, and how much, but I would like to use this blog to write about my experience as a woman with several joint diseases and conditions who had both hips and a shoulder replaced and now spends her free time dancing, teaching, and performing! I began dancing with a troupe in February of 2014, Seshambeh Dance Company. I now take a Pure Barre class on Monday mornings, teach ballet, tap, and creative movement on Monday evenings to children of all ages and abilities, take a hip hop class with all adult women on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, teach a belly dance fitness class on Thursdays to all adult women, and teach a chair belly dance movement class to people with mobility issues and disabilities as often as I possibly can. Join me in my journey! At times, I take 16 to 20 pills a day. I give myself an injection each week on Fridays for my autoimmune/autoinflammatory arthritis diseases. Just when one thing is doing better, something else goes downhill! My attitude, however, is always going uphill! I am 49 years old, have been married for 24 years, and my husband and I adopted Mick in Dec. of 2010! I have a lot on my plate right now, but I take it one moment at a time. I believe that God will never give me more than I can handle. However, I do need to learn to ask for help sometimes instead of always doing it by myself!

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Looking Toward The Positive!

Everyone has always told me my entire life how I am such a positive and happy person. I truly believe that I am a positive person, but being positive doesn't mean that I always have to "put on a happy face." Having a chronic illness makes it especially difficult from the moment I wake up until the moment I try to go to sleep at night. I am happy; I do love the life that I have with my husband and my two adorable fur kids; I actually wouldn't change a thing. But there are days that smiling is so hard when I'm concentrating on just walking or using my hands or when my joints are so swollen that I can only stay on the couch in my Jammies all day curled up with my fur kids and my blanket, watching the Lifetime Movie Network.

Still, I enjoy passing it on. Ya know that feeling when you smile at someone, and they smile back? When you nod at a passer-by, and he/she nods back accepting you as a caring, happy person? I even rolled my window down today as I entered my apartment complex to address some of the kids who had gotten off the bus. I had seen them before, but they don't know me personally. I'm just the kind of person that always thinks that people should know me. I believe the world could someday be that place again where we can leave our front doors and windows open and not only feel safe but be safe. Well, anyway, it was raining heavily, and I asked if they wanted me to drive them to their apartments. They looked at me like I was that crazy lady that everyone knew down the street that they avoided at all times. The kids said "no that's OK." I replied, "oh, mom told you not to go with strangers, and I'm a stranger. I get it. Bye then." It actually hurt my feelings, ya know. I honestly am one of those people who would never hurt a child. I only have good intentions at all times. And that's the truth. It's rare, but honestly, it's the truth. If you knew me, you'd understand. When we lived in Kentucky, we were the safe house. Kids could come to our house if they got locked out or missed the bus, etc. I forget that people don't know us that way here. I tried to offer help to the young boy that moved in next door with his mom. He had gotten locked out when he came home from school and his mom wasn't home from work yet. I took my dogs out to go potty. When I saw him sitting outside his door with his backpack, I felt badly for him. I asked him if he was locked out. I asked if he wanted anything like a drink or a snack until his mom got home. He said "no." I said he could even come inside if it was taking a long time. I told him it was only me and my two fur kids, and that my husband wouldn't be home for a while. I said that if he needed anything at all to just knock. But again, he didn't know me.

We are in the process of adopting a baby, and I just can't wait to bring him or her into my home. But I love all of God's children. I'm here to help if I can in anyway. I am always available to offer a helping hand, but it is so hard to help a child with the way the world is today. Parents HAVE TO teach their children not to trust other adults that are strangers. I get that. I will be the same way as a parent. I just wish that all people could see through people to know if another human being has good intentions or intentions to do harm. It would make life so much easier.

If people could see through people, they could also see that on those days that I'm not smiling, that I'm actually very content with the path that my life has followed. I just happen to be in pain today. And I don't mean that I have a little headache. I mean that every joint in my body HURTS. EVERY PART OF MY BODY I CAN FEEL! Yes, I am having trouble concentrating on what you are saying to me because I'm having trouble hearing you over my knees right now. They are SCREAMING OUT at me right now. How many people can say that parts of their body are actually screaming at them? No one else can hear my body calling out to me for help. I am doing everything possible to quiet my pain. Medication, warm baths, heating pads, exercise, massage, alternative therapies like healing energy, meditation, EVERYTHING... Still, the constant yelling and screaming doesn't end!!!

Today, I had an appointment with my counselor, whom I see every Wednesday at noon. I suggest that anyone with a chronic illness do the same. It helps to talk it out. If your body isn't listening, a counselor will at least hear you vent. They won't complain about it either! Today, I just felt the need to cry. Yes cry! I'm not sad. I'm not depressed. I'm actually happy. Yes Happy! So why am I crying, because I'm in pain, and it helps to cry sometimes. It's a release. It's harder to smile when the pain is so bad that you need to cry. Once I cry, I can then smile to the world.

I know what you're thinking, "isn't smiling a facade?" No it's not. I'm smiling because I want to smile. I want people to know that I am actually happy. As an emotional, mental, feeling person, I am happy and want to smile. If I were only a physical entity, then no, I would definitely not smile. I would only be a deteriorating, crumbling, "35 year old stuck in an old person's body", with a structure that is slowly falling apart. Wow--that is horrible! But that is not who I am. I am so much more than a physical being. God made me a feeling, thinking, and healing person too! Those parts of me weigh so much more. I am happy to be that "me." I am a wonderful person, and I should be proud of who God made me to be. People enjoy being with me. I enjoy being me!

So why not smile! Why not look at the positive even if it is something very, very small? It may be that I got out of bed today. It may be that my pain level was a 5 instead of a 10. It may be that I could go to the gym and swim without any extra pain. It may be that I was able to go to Target and shop without getting too fatigued. It may be that I got to visit my dear friend in KC and be with her and her family for a week and just be. It might be that I was able to make dinner. It might be that I was able to take a walk. It might be that I was able to shave my legs. It might be that I was able to attend a meeting at the Arthritis Foundation. It might be that I was able to go in to help a pregnant woman today at the pregnancy center that I volunteer at once a week...ya know it just might be that I just want to smile!!!

Ya know many times being positive not only brings out the positive in others, but helps me to feel better too. I focus on other people and other things, happy and good things, and not on my pain and fatigue. That can't be at all bad, ya know. I think it's fantastic, and I definitely won't stop smiling!!!!

No comments:

It's Time You Understood.

I want you to understand that your arthritis is not the same as mine if you tell me "I have arthritis too in my knee sometimes." That is not what I have. I have autoimmune arthritis. I have fatigue, pain, and stiffness in every joint in my body, take very serious medications like biologics which is in IV form every 4 weeks at the hospital's infusion center and chemotherapy pills. The type of autoimmune arthritis diseases that I have affects my eyes, my lungs, my heart, my skin, my ligaments, my tendons, my salivary glands, as well as my joints. Please visit www.causes.com/WorldAutoimmuneArthritisDay to donate $5 for the cause.