Ya know, on a day like this, the first part of my day is to ask my God to please give me strength. To ask for strength is a big thing. I need strength to get out of bed, to get myself dressed, to take the fur kids outside, to bend over to clean up after them outside, to feed them, to draw up Max's insulin, to inject his insulin, to make my breakfast, to clean off my plate, and to get myself to look at least "presentable" before I step out the door to face the day. I ask God for strength as I try to hold my throbbing hands on the steering wheel. I ask for strength as I feel the tears build up, when I realize I can't reach with my right arm to change the radio station. I forgot for a brief moment, as I do sometimes first thing in the morning, that my right shoulder had collapsed. I ask God to give me strength as a small amount of anxiety begins to build up inside of me as I remember that in 5 days, I am going to have a very serious and invasive shoulder replacement surgery. I take a deep cleansing breath, and suddenly realize that today is one of thoe days that I definitely need 2 deep cleansing breaths, so I allow myself to take another. And I put the car in drive and off I go to start my day!
Strength is an important power to have over yourself, your day, your body, (I tend to separate myself from my body, especially on very painful days, because I am not my disease, and my disease has taken over my body, but it has not taken over ME!) what you say, what you do, and what you choose in life or just on a particular day or moment. Strength is a wonderful power and quality to attain. I believe you don't just have strength. You have to work for it, ask for it, and be rewarded with it. God will give it to you, but it will not be handed to you wrapped in a pretty box. In order to get strength, you must be faced with struggles, fears, or something that you have to face head-on. If you are able to overcome it, fight it and win, or walk away without avoiding it, you have gracefully accepted the gift of strength.
Today, I am moving, and continuing with my day head-on! I am not giving up. I am not crawling into bed and whining about the pain. I am taking a hot bath, exercising my joints, praying to God, massaging my joints,etc. I am trying to overcome my worst enemy--PAIN. I know that by the end of the day, I will have received a beautiful package from God with love filled with strength, that I worked so hard to receive.
So when I ask for God to also take the pain away if he has the time, eventually, the pain does get better. I know that if I stay strong and stand up to the pain, it will go into hiding. I like to add a little humor, even talking with God. I am not a God-fearing person. I believe that he is a humorous God. I think that a good laugh always help to get rid of some of the pain, and God can always join in the laughter. God is always with me, and we are great friends. He is my father, my brother, my friend. She is my mother, my sister, my friend as well. I see God as a Father figure as a male, but I also see God as a female. I tend to pray to God, the female when I need help in an emotional sense. If I need help with a family problem, with self-discovery and spirituality, and things that are more personal, God is a female to me. When I ask for strength to get through pain and discomfort or something that I would ask my dad for help with, I see God as a male. So for help with the whole pain and strength, I see God as a father-figure. When I want to just talk to someone, for encouragement and love, I talk to my female friend, God. But God as a whole is humorous overall, and has a sense of humor.
No comments:
Post a Comment