The Big Breakdown: When Everything Goes to Hell, What Do I Do?

This is a post from the next ChronicBabe Blog Carnival (publish date: July 27, 2010), and the theme is: The Big Breakdown: When Everything Goes to Hell, What Do We Do?  How do you handle yourself when everything feels like a disaster? How do you get though it and come out the other end a stronger woman?

Ok, first of all, I'd like to say that I think I have pretty good coping mechanisms, and that I can handle disasters pretty well, so when I saw the topic I didn't think it would be that difficult to write about it.  Then when it came down to it, I stared at my laptop for a good 20-25 minutes before anything came to mind. I had no idea what to say about it really. Truth be told, it doesn't really take too much for a person with a chronic illness, especially one that involves pain, and widespread pain especially, to have a breakdown. Now, I don't mean a full-fledged breakdown like you hear about people having in their mid-life--a mid-life crisis--nothing like that at all, but it doesn't take much to send our lives into a tailspin.

For me, I no longer work because I'm on disability, but I do lots of volunteer work because I am a Type A personality, over-achiever, control freak, always-has-to-be-busy-kind-of-gal.  So normally 2 to 3 days of the week I'm doing some sort of volunteer work outside the home plus whatever work is required of me to do from my couch and my laptop.  I have two dogs. One dog, Max, is blind, has diabetes, Cushing's and 3 legs, and is 13 years old. The other dog, Cookie, has fear-aggression issues because he was attacked by a dog that got into our apartment when I opened the door to take them outside. Now he is so afraid of all other dogs that he feels he needs to attack them before they get to him first! So I take them outside during the day one at a time to prevent any problems. This way I can keep total leash control over Cookie in case another dog is around, and Max has my undivided attention so he doesn't fall off the curb and get hit by a car or wander off somewhere where I can't get to him.  We always eat at home, so I always make a home-cooked dinner. I do the cleaning, minus the vacuuming and high reaching.  We are in the process of adopting a baby, and if you know of anyone that has done this before, you have to always be on top of things--paperwork, profiles, and being ready at all times for "the call."  Also, you would know that the woman tends to be the one that keeps it all in order. I order more copies of our profiles, I keep the home study up-to-date, and I make sure that the adoption website is up and running. He just assumes all of this just "happens" magically.

OK, now throw in doctor appointments, physical therapy, dental appointments, oil changes for the car, a pedicure (possibly if a friend comes to visit for something fun and girly to do), a haircut, dyeing your hair (I actually do it myself), arching your eyebrows (I also do it myself), grocery shopping, shopping for shoes (the kind that you have to buy because the flip flops are killing your feet, and you just can't deal with the pain anymore even though you have 300 flip flops in every color, and you absolutely love the convenience and cuteness factor of them), veterinary appointments for the dogs, and trips to visit family (because you're the only ones in the family that live out of town, and it falls on you to visit them instead of them to visit you).

So see where I'm at now! Things are starting to feel crazy, but this is stuff that is not too far off the normal stress charts for other people. OK, so now let's throw in a couple staff parties for my hubby that I have to go to with him. And.....hmmm.....let's also say there is a birthday party in there for a friend to go to dinner and listen to a band play or a movie or bowling or go to a bar...you get the picture. Now let's throw in the fact that there is a big event with the Young Professionals Group that I Chair; let's say the Arthritis Walk Atlanta.  Let's also say that not that many members actually show up at the Walk, and that leaves more work for the few of us there. On top of that, oh let's throw in a fibromyalgia flare.  Let's say there was a huge storm that blew in...OMG!  Thunderstorms and fibro do not mix!!!! Now let's say that I had to miss my Remicade infusion because I ended up getting a cough from an allergic reaction to feather pillows (true story), so I had to wait a whole week later to get it. Now we'll throw in an arthritis flare on top of it; oh and my arthritis is psoriatic arthritis, so my psoriasis flared too!!!!!  Then, my parotid glands swelled up to look like I had mumps because of my Sjogren's! We had finished making a video for our adoption website, so I had to work on editing that, with all my flares and other responsibilities of life....

For me, I have all these conditions, and on top of that, I've had 9 surgeries! Most recently, in March, I had a shoulder replacement at the age of 35. Imagine going through all of the above while recovering from shoulder replacement surgery!  Add to that, the stress that they could call at any moment saying they have a baby ready for you!  Going through rehab is hard enough, but with fibro and arthritis, and now migraines on top of it, I have been to hell and back!

So what do I do with that...well I reach a breaking point of course!  There is only so much that the human body can withstand.  All of that is too much!  And in reality, it only takes a swollen knee or elbow to have to cancel a night out with friends. You only need rain in the forecast to cause a flare for your fibro, and your whole week could be shot--don't even think about those plans to clean out your closet! HA! I say to that!

So what do I do to prevent a breakdown? What are my coping strategies?  Well, I am very obsessive-compulsive, so I make tons of lists and have a calendar in my purse, on my fridge, on my wall by my desk, on my phone, and on my laptop. I make sure that every single calendar is updated regularly--as soon as an appointment is added. I also have a running task list on google and on a notepad in my purse and on post-its. I prioritize them by what has to be done today, tomorrow, this week, next week, this month, next month, within 3 months, within 6 months, within 9 months, and within the year. And daily, I update the priorities. I know it sounds like a lot, but if I don't do this, my foggy brain gets confused, mixed-up, unable to concentrate, depressed, anxious, nervous, and everything that I have to do seems huge and like it could never get done. That is when I totally freak out!!!!

A couple weeks ago, for instance, I was extremely foggy and could hardly concentrate on normal daily tasks. I had a dental appointment, and when I returned to my car in the parking lot, the car door was wide open. I forgot to shut my car door!!! OMG! I thought I was totally losing my mind. On this particular day, I had a list of things to do that were not prioritized. My hubby asked me to make some errands for him after my dental appointment. I put everything that I needed to do in a bag in the front seat of the car (except the bank deposit--which I placed in my purse thank God).  I did my errands, still trying to remember how I could have forgotten to close my car door--I did however lock it. Thank goodness I did that because that surely kept the robbers away! I finally got home, mentally exhausted, only to find my apartment door ajar! Yes, I left my home, and just let the door fall gently closed behind me without a thought. I didn't pull it all the way closed or lock it! I just went to my car with my bag-full of errands to run after my appointment, already stressing over it because I didn't have it well-planned out like I usually do!

So that is why all the calendars, notepads, task-lists and post-its are so important to me!!! They literally keep my mind intact!

So that is one coping mechanism--I guess I can call it organization or scheduling or just obsessing and compulsing!

I also make sure that I begin to treat my pain immediately. I cannot push myself through the pain. I am a strong person, but I don't feel that shows strength at all. I think that shows that your body is telling you to slow down--listen to it. Rest, take pain meds if you have to. Take a warm bath, meditate, relax...listen to mood music, maybe do light exercise. I actually like swimming when I first feel pain coming on, not when it is full-blown, but just at the first sign. It releases endorphins and makes me feel better fast.

One really big coping mechanism is talking about what is going on. Write it down if you don't feel comfortable talking about it to another person. I started blogging for that very reason!  I joined ChronicBabe and other social networks for those who are chronically ill or in chronic pain. I have lots of friends who share my illnesses or illnesses like them to be able to talk to them about it.  On facebook, a good 90% of my friends are those with chronic illnesses. It is great to have that support! I think that it is definitely needed!

I also see a counselor/therapist regularly. I was going weekly, well until my insurance said I have to go every other week. So now I go every other week. I look forward to seeing Suzanne. There is a healing process that goes on when you talk to someone that isn't a friend or a family member, but rather, is a professional person. She isn't going to walk into another room; she isn't going to think you are being self-centered always talking about ME, ME, ME!  I always feel so good when I leave her office! If you haven't gone before, go now--go before you reach that breakdown. That is what I suggest.

Also, pray, pray, pray!  No matter what religious or spiritual belief system you have, pray to your higher power. I pray to God My Mother and God My Father! I pray for strength when I think there is no way that I can find it, courage when I think I can't take one more step, and I pray to learn from my own experiences as well as from the experiences of others. Afterall, if we aren't here to learn, and in turn to use that knowledge to help others with similar problems, situations and concerns, then what the heck are we here for?

That is how I come out a stronger person in the end, after all is said and done. After all of life's stresses, and my body's working against me, and when people wonder just how I'm gonna be able to do it yet again, I do!

We are all WARRIORS!!!!

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

    The Courage to change the things I can,

          And the Wisdom to know the difference!

                                                                        Amen!

Connecting The Dots...

Although you know about a lot of my medical problems, I think it's important to go over the entire medical history of my struggle to find the right diagnoses. Many people are going through the same thing everyday. It's a terrible thing to go through. It takes forever...lots of pain and suffering before the right meds are prescribed. It's a hard life to live with a chronic pain illness anyway, but getting to the diagnosis is half the battle. 

 

I have Psoriatic Arthritis, Sjogren's, fibromyalgia, CFS, Hypermobility EDS, Osteonecrosis,
Osteopenia, Osteoarthritis, Pseudotumor Cerebri, Endometriosis, and so
much more. I was always a sickly child. I didn't walk until I was 16
mos. I couldn't flush the toilet or turn the door knob until I was 5
years old. I was a dancer starting at a very young age, 2, b/c my mom
thought it would help build up my muscles and strength. I always had
aches and pains since I was a young child, but doctors always thought it was because I danced. Also, the doctors said that my immune system was not fully developed, so I would pick up everything. So I had to be extra
careful around others. A few of my diseases are Auto-Immune diseases,
the others are not.

I was always sick. In second grade, I missed 32 days of school. I would
get strep throat every single time I returned to school. Then I ended up
w/ chicken pox that same school year so bad that it was in the corners
of my eyes, my ears, the bottoms of my feet, etc. My body was covered!

In High School, I had Mono from the Epstein Barr Virus, and was very
sick from it. I had no energy at all. I had heard about Mono before, but
never knew how drained you really felt. It took me 6 months to feel
human again.

Again in College, I had Mono again. It was even worse. I slept through
an entire semester. I was so sick. I didn't eat. I lost weight. It was
awful. I found out that I would continue to get Mono 7 times at least,
each time being worse and worse.

One year I had Mono an Shingles at the same time. I felt like a truck
hit me and put it in reverse to back up over me a second time. Then,
that same year, I got Shingles again. That is when my joints began to
really start hurting me again. I thought it was still from the Mono, but
it just wouldn't go away. I was told that I had Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome, but the doctor said that most medical people don't believe in
it, so I would have a hard time getting treated. I was also diagnosed
with hypertension in 1997. I had a hypertensive storm. It was severely
high--280/120. They told me that it was primary hypertension w/ no
underlying cause.

I got married in 2000, and my hubby knew all about my illnesses, but he
married me anyway. I began having pain in all my joints.The doctors said
there was nothing wrong w/ me, but no one x-rayed my knees or hips or
did any tests on my legs at all. Instead, they did a brain scan to
search for lesions to rule out MS. When that was negative, they no
longer searched for anything physical. They assumed it was
psychological. I was put on antidepressants for depression. I was told
depression could cause pain.

I had horrible reactions to the antidepressants.


We moved to KY in 2002. I didn't have any doctors yet, so I ran out of
meds. I went to see a psychiatrist who said that I wasn't depressed and
shouldn't be on antidepressants. Then I couldn't walk up our back steps.
The PCP sent me to an orthopaedic surgeon who did an x-ray. He found
nothing. But he told me that he had an idea what it was. He sent me for
an MRI. He told me then that my diagnosis was osteonecrosis or avascular
necrosis of both hips. Two months later it showed up on an x-ray. It
was stage 3. One month later, I had core decompression on both hips. The
right hip took; the left did not. I was in a wheelchair the following
year and remained there for 6 months. I had a total hip replacement of
the left hip in Dec. 2003. I was 29 years old. I went from the wheel
chair, to a walker, to a cane. I used the cane for quite a while until I
switched arms and used the cane for the other hip.

I didn't understand why all my joints and muscles hurt so much though if
I had AVN/ON in only my hips. I soon found out that I had AVN/ON in my
knees and shoulders as well, and the shoulders were as bad as the hips.
Then a rheumatologist said that I had to have some type of connective
tissue disease if I had all of these joints involved in AVN/ON. Already
AVN/ON is so rare to begin w/, but to have 6 joints w/ idiopathic
involvement almost never occurs.

I was diagnosed w/ sero-negative rheumatoid arthritis in 2003. Then it
was changed to sero-negative spondylarthropathy
involvement. Then I was also diagnosed w/ Sjogren's that same year when I
found out I had no tear production, and my cornea's had sores on them. I
also had blocked salivary glands b/c no saliva was being produced. I
was put on anti-inflammatories, oxycontin, artificial tears, restasis,
pilocarpine, and an anti-malaria medication (plaquenil) for arthritis.

We moved to RI in 2006, when I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia
after having excruciating muscle pain for all those years w/ no relief.
He started me on an antidepressant, hoping for no crazy side-effect like
before, and also a muscle relaxer. It was a good start.

RI was a great place for me to live for a short 9 months. I was finally
diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis when I broke out w/ psoriasis from
head to toe, and I also had a sausage digit indicative of psoriatic
arthritis. I found out later that I had psoriasis when I was a child, so
that would have helped w/ an earlier diagnosis. I also had my
medication changed from plaquenil to methotrexate (a chemotherapy
medication). My fibromyalgia medication remained the same for the time
being.

We moved to GA in 2007. My rheumy there decided that he didn't care what
my medical records said. He took me off all my medications to see for
himself if my joints would swell. I couldn't even believe this was a
real Atlanta doctor. He was even voted Atlanta's Best Docs. In the
meantime, I tried to get into another local rheumy that I heard was a
great doctor. While I waited those 5 months however, I could hardly
move. I also was waiting to get into a pain doctor for the AVN/ON and
fibromyalgia treatment, which also took several months. I had pain where
I didn't even know you could have pain. I had sensations in my body
that I never felt before. I literally prayed to God that I would just
die!

One week before my appt w/ my new rheumy, my elbow swelled up to the
size of a softball. I went to the ER just so someone had record of it
for my new rheumy. They wanted to know at the hospital if I wanted
something for the pain or any treatment, and all I wanted was an x-ray
or mri and written record of proof that my elbow was indeed swollen from
fluid on the joint, that I indeed had synovitis.

I had already gotten in to see my pain doctor by then and was given
oxycontin as well as a medication that works on the central nervous
system for pain for the fibromyalgia called Zonegran. {I actually had
been on it before in 2002, when my optic nerve was swollen. I had
pseudotumor cerebri. No one knew why, but I had severe headaches w/
nausea and other visual disturbances daily. I had also lost some of my
sight. While on Zonegran, it decreased the pressure behind my eye,
causing the pain to go away and my vision returned to normal. I was
taken off the medication after being on it back then until 2003 because I
was told w/ pseudotumor cerebri, after 6 months of treatment, if it
goes away, it won't come back. Well, I noticed that I wasn't really
watching TV anymore, but just listening, then when driving, I could no
longer see the street signs, and then I couldn't tell which way the cars
were facing on one-way streets to know which ones to turn down. Then I
could see nothing, and the headaches returned. The pseudotumor cerebri
came back w/ a vengence. No one understood why, but I was put on a
different medication than Zonegran in 2004. It was called Topamax. It is
used a lot w/ migraines, but it also relieves the pressure. I was just
on an extremely high dose, and I lost a whole lot of weight w/ it.} So
when I went to see the pain doctor and he put me on Zonegran for the
fibromyalgia, I already knew how I would do on it b/c I had been on it
before.

Then I went back to that pain clinic and my pain doctor had left the
practice rather suddenly so I was placed w/ another doctor in the group
who wasn't w/ my insurance. Of course they didn't check on that. I ended
up paying a ton of money out of pocket for an out of network provider.
Then he said I probably needed to up my oxycontin after so many years of
being on the same dose of 10 mg long acting twice a day. He said that
your body gets used to it. I agreed although I wasn't quite sure I
agreed to his decision. He wrote a script for oxycodone 15mg twice
daily. The problem was that this script was not a generic for the long
acting; it was a short-acting medication. The doctor didn't even know
what the heck he was prescribing me. I called the pharmacist b/c I
thought it was odd that it wasn't Oxycontin, and that it didn't say XR
or SR or something like that after it. The pharmacist said it was indeed
short-acting. So I contacted the nurse w/ my concern. He really thought
it was a new dose for Oxycontin long-acting. He apologized and gave me
my original script again. He said he could write me a new script for 20
mg twice a day for the long acting to up the dose. I said "no." firmly
b/c I didn't think I wanted to go up in dose anyway. That same doctor
also said he was going to give me and injection in my shoulder. I waited
w/ my arm out of my sleeve, and he never returned to the patient room.
The nurse came in w/ my fee slip and my script and told me to come back
in a month. He just totally forgot. So I asked to please give me a
competent doctor that was at least in my network. Finally they gave me
the head doctor for the group as my new doctor. One day all patients on
narcotics were ordered to take a urine test to make sure they are
actually taking the drugs prescribed for them. No problem. I voided in a
cup, set it on the counter, and left.

A month later, I came back. The doctor came in and said that my test
came back positive for cocaine and negative for oxycontin. I was
shocked. Obviously, either one of the nursing staff switched it on
purpose or accidentally or it happened at the lab, but the doctor didn't
believe my story b/c he had the results from the lab. I told him I was
going to get a lawyer and everything b/c they didn't even test it
correctly. Drug testing needs to be sealed in front of the patient, etc.
That was not done. I have no idea what they sent as my urine. It was
finally straightened out when I came in a week later and tested again w/
no sign of cocaine and normal levels of oxycontin. It was obvious that
the other urine wasn't mine. They have changed the way they test for
drugs now, etc. The problem is that the first test is already part of my
record. He had to type a letter and put it in my chart stating his
belief that it wasn't my urine. It was a horrible ordeal.

My new rheumy meanwhile started me back on all my anti-inflammatories,
methotrexate, and remicade (an IV infusion for arthritis), as well as
flexeril and skelaxin (muscle relaxers for fibromyalgia). He also gave
me pilocarpine for saliva, the supplements that would be depleted by
methotrexate, and pain patches (non-narcotic). He tested my vitamin b-12
and D levels. They were next to nothing, so he put me on extremely high
doses of those. He did a bone density test as well, which still showed
osteopenia--not quite osteoporosis. He wanted to put me on calcium, but
my bones do not absorb calcium supplements. {Back in 2004, a metabolic
bone doctor tested me out for all kinds of things. He said that I had a
lot of calcium deposits outside of the bone, I also had kidney stones
that were calcium oxalate. He told me that I should cut calcium out of
my diet. Because I had such a low vitamin D, he told me to take vitamin D
supplements instead.} Obviously, the amount of vitamin D that I had
been taking was not enough. Then, when I increased my dose to 2000 IU
per day, my calcium in my blood decreased. It had been incredibly high.
Also, I no longer have the calcium deposits and haven't had any kidney
stones either.

So what I didn't mention was that I also had severe problems w/ plantar
fasciitis, achilles tendonitis, tenosynovitis in my wrists, tendonitis
in my elbows, bursitis in my shoulders, problems w/ my ACL's, my SI
joint, and my neck, and was told that my pelvis looked like it was
crushed in an auto accident.

I've been skin tested 4 times for allergies, and all my allergists have
said the same thing. They have never seen reactions like mine. I am
allergic to everything and w/ a huge reaction. I carry 2 epi-pens and
albuterol. I also have asthma. I have a severe shellfish allergy and
latex allergy--they both cause anaphylaxis. I have many food allergies. I
react to changes in temperatures w/ hives. The sun gives me hives. I
have to have tinted windows on my car. I have so many sensitivities. I
also have endometriosis. I had 2 laparoscopies. I was in menopause for 6
years. I don't even know if I'm having periods or not again, for real. I
was put on the Nuva Ring in 2002, and that is when I began having a
cycle again. Now I keep the ring in to just have 4 periods a year, but I
only bleed for 1 day. So again, I'm not certain that if I stopped the
ring I would still have a period. I had a fertility doctor test my
levels in 2002, and she said I was at the level of a pre-pubescent 5
year old. I'm not even sure what that means. I had periods for years up
to age 21. Then they stopped.

My right shoulder collapsed the day before Halloween this past Oct. I
had to wait until March 29th to finally have it replaced. I have been
working very hard to rehab it. I'm doing very well w/ it, but I'm also
currently in PT for my back and neck, PT/OT for my hands and wrists b/c
of hypermobility EDS, and also using a TENS unit and aqua therapy.

The reason I wanted to share this w/ you is that we all have such
incredible medical histories. Many times we are told that nothing is
connected, and that we have all these different diagnoses. How can one
person who never drank or smoke or did drugs have so many things wrong
w/ them? I was premature. I was born 2 months early, weighing 4 lbs 11
oz. They found nothing wrong w/ me at birth. I believe that I always had
something wrong w/ my immune system that affected immune response to
allergens, and has attacked itself in many ways causing many auto-immune
diseases. I think that they will figure out that a lot more of my
diseases will end up being auto-immune or auto-immune related. So what
about your story? Do you you think there is a connection? Can you
connect the dots?

                                         

Congratulations To....ME! I Received The Versatile Bloggers Award, My Very First Blog Award!

 VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD!!!!!!!!!

 

 I would like to first start out by thanking Shalunya from Gypsy Shalunya Graceful living under trying circumstances for giving me this awesome award. I am extremely excited to accept it because it is my very first blogger award. I'd like to thank Shalunya, for this truly remarkable award, Susan for inspiring me to use the deep desire to write to start out as a blogger, Mo for being the first person to follow my work as an inexperienced but anxious and eager blogger, Selena for always encouraging me to express more, and Migrainista for being my most devoted follower. Shalunya wrote...

I always love reading your blog and I wanted to make sure I told you so!!! I am passing the Versatile Bloggers Award onto you.  

Rule #1: Thank the person who gave you the award.   Shalunya from Gypsy Shalunya. Rule #2: Share seven things about yourself.   

1. I am passionate about writing, and would love to write for a magazine about health or something like that. I have been secretly writing a fiction novel and auto-biography for several years now. Blogging fills that need to write in me. However, I really enjoy a pen to paper. The books that I'm working on are currently all being done by hand in notebooks. 
2. I was a dancer when I was younger, starting at age 2. I ended up sticking w/ strictly ballet and started dancing for the company St. Louis Performing Arts Centre in MO. It is no longer in business. It was the only Cechetti style ballet in the state at the time. I was in the Nutcracker Suite w/ ballet companies Kansas City Ballet and Dance St. Louis (Missouri State Ballet). I would love to dance again, and although my many joint and connective tissue diseases keep me from physically dancing again, I will always "be" a dancer. No one can take that away from me. In my mind, I am always dancing... 
3. I am living 2 completely separate lives. And in one of my lives that I have kept secret for many, many years, I am beginning to share w/ others my abilities as a clairaudient, a clairsentient, an intuitive (mostly medical), and an energy healer. I'm still in the early stages of understanding it, but I believe my purpose is to help others to better deal w/ pain, lose, illness, and injury as God works through me. 
4. My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby/a child/siblings. We have been trying to adopt for 6 years and have worked w/ several agencies including the state to adopt a foster child/siblings. The state even lost our paperwork. Now we feel very content w/ our adoption facilitator out of California, Lifetime Adoption. We are at the end, just awaiting a match for a birth mother to pick us. If anyone is interested in finding more about us because you know of someone who is pregnant and thinking about adoption, visit Dana and Jim's Adoption Website. 
5. I love the paranormal and supernatural! It fascinates me! I read and learn all about it from past lives, to ghosts and spirits, to haunted houses, to psychics and mediums, to astral travel, to magic, to animal totems, to angels and spirit guides....and I could go on and on. I even went to a paranormal and metaphysical convention last month in Atlanta, Through the Veil. I met some wonderful people, like Chip Coffey, Chris Fleming, and Christopher Moon--all of which can be seen on paranormal TV programs! 
6. My husband and I have lived together in MO, KY, RI and now GA in our 10 years of marriage and our 16 years of being together (11 of those years were together-together under the same room). Of course, we did stay together a lot when we lived in the same dorm in St. Louis, and I would stay w/ him and his mom in their apartment as well. 
7. Not surprising at all that I have several joint and connective tissue diseases, both auto-immune and not because I have always been so empathic to those around me, feeling what they feel. I have taken on entirely too much pain from those around me in my life, and now have so many chronic pain conditions--I can't even call it irony!  I call it a burden that my body cannot carry anymore. My body's foundation literally cannot carry anyone elses problems, pain or issues anymore. I realized in my late 20's and early 30's that a person must take care of themselves before ever helping anyone else. You cannot help anyone if you are not strong enough to stand on your own.  If someone needed a walker to use to help them to walk, they would not use one that had a wobbly leg. So why would you lean on someone for help all the time, that can't even help herself?  I am helping myself now. My meds are working, I'm exercisng, I had a hip replacement in '03 at age 29 and a shoulder replacement this past March at age 35. So, basically, I'm becoming stronger physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually!  

Rule #3: Pass the award onto 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and you think are are fantastic!!

1. Leslie @ Getting Closer to Myself 
2. Annie @ It's Time to Get Over How Fragile You Are 
3. Maya @ Loving with Chronic Illness 
4. Mo @ Mo Is Blogging...I Think
5. Lauren @ Novel Patient
6. Selena @ Oh My Aches and Pains
7. Kerri @ six until me 
8. Stephanie Lynn @ Sudden Randomness 
9. Kathy @ Fibrocondriac 
10. Judith @ Fibromyalgia and Life Altering Conditions
11. How Can I Explain It To You? Just A Grad Student with Lupus
12. How To Cope with Pain
13. Becky @ Instructions Not Included
14. One Disadventure After Another
15. Lipstick, Perfume, and Too Many Pills a sick girl's quest for normalcy

I love these blogs so much (and Shalunya's and Migrainista's) as well. Of course, Shalunya just received her award in order to pass it on to myself and Migrainista so I'm giving the other well-deserved versatile bloggers their turn for this award! So Rock on Bloggers!!!! Thank you all for giving me so much to read, learn, stop to dwell on for a moment, and some of you who have given me great ideas to expand upon with my blog....

SO HERE'S TO YOU ALL..........................................

VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD!!!