My New Found Independence!

Since our next carnival happens around the USA 4th of July holiday, we were asked to submit a post on the theme of independence.

Let's face it: chronic illness can definitely be a challenge to a person's autonomy and self-reliance; how has chronic illness impacted my self-sufficiency and ability to do things for myself?...

Independence is such a strong and powerful word for anyone with disabilities.  When I say the word, I get a lump in my throat and fight the tears in my eyes. For those of you who know me well, you know that I have been through some pretty rough times, and I have had to depend upon others, mainly my husband, to take me to doctor appointments, reach for things on shelves, and do many of the household chores. I had come to think that I would never reach a point where I could actually feel the freedom of independence...

Many people that didn't know me through the really hard times, and yes I still have hard times, but I'm talking the times where I needed help to get out of bed, to get in and out of the shower, to shave my own legs, and so on, find it hard to believe I was ever that dependent on another human being.  Well, let me be the one to break it to ya...I was. I was in a wheelchair, then a walker, then a cane, and slowly made my way out of using the cane. Then when my shoulder collapsed, I was unable to use my right arm for anything. Then it was in a sling until it was replaced. Then it was in a sling after it was replaced, then the range of motion was limited for several months. Now I can reach up and grab things off the top shelf--well not quite the top shelf because I'm not tall enough!

I was originally dependent on others for my lower half of my body, then it was the upper half of my body. Now with all the problems with my spine, I'm having some problems with depending on people for only certain things like making the bed and bending over for some things, as well as lifting heavy things. Also, my fingers are still in pretty bad shape so I am sometimes dependent on people if I need to do anything that requires intricate work with my fingers. Also, my other hip and both knees will collapse at some point and so I have to be prepared for the fact that I may have to depend on my hubby once again for my lower body again, and my other shoulder will collapse at some point as well, so I will be dependent on my hubby for the upper part of my body as well. I don't like to dwell on it, but I keep it in my mind so we are prepared for when it does happen.


At this point, other than some minor issues of dependence, which I would consider to be more than I need some help now and then. Right now I depend on no one. I feel as though I can finally say I am FREE! I feel a freedom that I never thought I could ever feel. Thank God! I get myself out of bed, I take showers alone, I dress myself, I take care of my baby while my hubby works,--feeding, diaper changes, baths, playing on the floor, etc.--shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry!  I really, truly feel so free because of this wonderful independence. What a gift!


This fantastic gift of independence came at no better time also! I had my shoulder replaced in March and adopted our first son in December. I must say, all the stars must be aligned just right for me!  Independence is a gift unlike any other gift. It keeps giving every single day when I figure out more and more I can do with this new found freedom! 

I know that the freedom that I am given with this independence will not last forever. There will always be this impending doom leering over me. I know what my future holds with surgeries, etc. I will have to live each day as though it is my last day of freedom...my very last day to enjoy my independence.